(Just to get an idea of the scale of my post-cancer hypochondria, you should know that just before my follow-up CT I convinced myself that I had a skeleton-relapsey-type lump on my left rib. This turned out to be nothing at all. In fact it was probably a mole making my rib look bumpier. V. embarrassing especially as I told my haematologist and made him feel it...only to have nothing remotely ribby show up on the CT.)
The CT did however show an enlarged lymph node in my left armpit - nothing else, just that... so I had to have a PET scan on the 21st of December. Thus I was like a cat on hot bricks throughout the FAR TOO SHORT Christmas holiday: constantly checking my phone and email, poking my armpit, jumping 5 feet in the air every time a text arrived. Texts all turned out to say "Merry Christmas", not "You have lymphoma again", thank God.
Also I had Kate and Andrew's wedding to distract me - may I take this opportunity to wish Mr and Mrs Steele the happiest of married lives? Congratulations my dears :D
In the end I gave up stressing and decided to pin all my hopes on Mother's theory, namely that any lymphadenopathy was probably due to my swine flu jab, which I'd had 4 days before the CT scan. I then tucked in with gusto to all the Christmas food, wine and chocolate. Now vastly regretting this, especially after a misguided attempt to buy some skinny jeans today. UGH, why???
Today I finally went off to see my haematologist (whom I shall henceforth call the Prof - haematologist is far too long a word), having again convinced myself I was in massive relapse with HUUUUGE lymph nodes here there and everywhere... had even worried the parents so much that Daddy-o came up from Nottingham to be with me, braving the snow and delayed trains etc etc. (What did I do to deserve these guys?) The nub and gist of the consultation was that: my PET scan was exactly the same as my CT scan - 1 large lymph node in the left armpit that was "a bit warm" i.e. glowy and taking up glucose.
Basically they just don't know what it is. Now I have 2 options: I can have an axillary biopsy now, or we can wait for a few weeks to see if it goes away. After I had explained Mother's Swine Flu Theory, the Prof perked up and said "That sounds like a reasonable theory actually; let's just wait...if it is Hodgkin's again it isn't exactly going to go wild in 4 weeks."
We also discovered that relapses, while not unheard of at this stage, are not that common 4 months after finishing treatment. Statistically it's probably more likely to be something else than the Big Bad Hodgkin's again (not that I consider that to be completely reassuring: after all, Hodgkin's itself is pretty rare and it wasn't fair that I got it in the first place. Grrr.)
Now my plan is to "enjoy" - ha - Infectious Diseases for the next fortnight and not stress out about one stupid lymph node, and also to drink a lot. Daddy, Georgina and I all went out to the incomparable Pani's Café tonight and had too much wine with the yummy food. Also father had great fun making the waiter say various Italian words to him like Ferrari, ciabatta and Salerno. Dear Pani's waiter, if you are reading this, mi dispiace molto.
....Oh yes, you want a recipe don't you? Well, I suppose I have led you to expect this after writing such a foodie cancer blog for ages... so here goes.
I got Harry Eastwood's Red Velvet and Chocolate Heartache for Christmas from wonderful brother Tim. (I also got New Moan from wonderful sister Isobel and Wolf Hall from wonderful brother Michael. There you go: all my siblings are wonderful.) Red Velvet is actually the best cookbook I've had in a long time, notwithstanding the rather twee writing style and cakes with personalities. I made this cake and was surprised by how darn tasty and rich it was - and healthy too at 216 kcal a slice! Not that calorie count normally holds me back, you understand...
Heartache Chocolate Cake
"This cake is sad. It's dark and drizzling down the window panes. She puffs her chest in hope when she goes into the oven; she then breaks, like a chest heaving a sob. This is why Aubergine (the Eeyore of the vegetable world) is the right kind of friend to hold your hand." (See what I mean about twee-ness?)
2 small whole aubergines/1 large weighing 400g
300g best dark chocolate you can find (minimum 70% cocoa solids) broken into pieces
50g good quality cocoa powder
60g ground almonds
3 medium eggs
200g clear honey
2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1 tbsp brandy (for moral support)
1 x 23cm diameter x 7cm cake tin
A skewer
A microwave
A blender (I used a stick blender)
Preheat the oven to 180C/350F/Gas 4.
Line the tin with baking parchment and lightly grease the base and sides.
Cook the aubergine: prick all over with a skewer, place in a microwaveable bowl, cover with cling film and cook on a high heat in the microwave for 8 minutes until limp.
Leave until cool enough to handle then skin, discarding any water.
Purée in the blender and then add in the chocolate. Heat a little more in the microwave if the chocolate needs help melting. Cover with clingfilm and leave while you get on with the rest.
Whisk all the other ingredients together in a large bowl until "slightly tipsy (bubbly)".
Fold in the aubergine mixture. (This mix will be thick, don't worry)
Pour it into the tin, place in the bottom of the oven and cook for 30 minutes.
Remove from the oven. let it cool in the tin and then invert it onto a rack to finish cooling.
Dust over with cocoa powder and serve with cream because you can never have enough saturated fat! Also there is no fat in the cake itself so you have to readdress the balance. It is your duty. I'm not kidding.
Please do not be put off by the aubergine: I promise you can't taste it and it makes for the most fantastically gooey cake ever. Sublime. No pictures because I'm too lazy and we ate it rather quickly...
Ta ta for now: I shall update in 4 weeks when I know more. Enjoy the snow, children!
