Three weeks in

Bonsoir all! 

I have been enjoying the last 3 weeks - feels as though sound has been unfurling in my brain like a peony flower! Poetically floral gubbins aside, it has been so exciting to realise that my brain has learned sounds to the point where I can tell when the kettle is boiling, when the dog is approaching (clicketyclickclick), and when people are calling to me! I did have an alarming moment while defrosting the freezer, when the processor with its new, weaker magnet fell off my head and into a bucket of icy water. After an hour in the dehumidifier it was fine though! Phew. 

After the last post I went to the Cumberland Arms for some excellent cider - while I was sitting outside in the sunshine I heard Gaita's voice! (She was there with me, I hasten to add; I was not having an auditory hallucination.) Only for a little while - it seemed to slip away when I concentrated too hard, but she did sound like a little Italian robot for a moment. This happened more and more over the next few days, and now when women speak I do get a sense of a voice rather than just beeps/hisses - men's lower voices are still harder. (David is worried I will suddenly run off with a woman because I can hear their voice better.) 

I really struggle to explain how David's voice sounds - I've just spent 5 minutes making him talk so I can try to describe it. With my hearing aids, I've always thought it was a nice Geordie voice, not super deep or very squeaky, just a nice voice. With the implant, I can tell exactly what he's saying, but I have very little sense of his voice. I think that is because my brain still isn't bothering with the low frequencies, and it will come in time. (I keep telling myself that it's only THREE WEEKS in and the implant is already outperforming the hearing aids.)

I spent a lovely weekend hanging with the family - even though most of them sounded like chipmunks I could still follow nearly everything we were saying, and they were surprised that they didn't have to repeat anything at all. Obviously I still struggled at dinner when everyone was talking, but no more than usual. Other friends have also commented on the fact that I seem to be lipreading less but getting more of what they're saying.

I had my second retuning on Monday, in Stanley. My audiologist Ruth was pleased that I'd managed to get to programme 4, if only for a couple of days. I had tried it before earlier but found it too uncomfortable; I actually got a slight pain in my middle ear on certain sounds (like "ooh"). However I made myself go up to 4 eventually because I didn't want to miss out on any rehab potential. It was slightly uncomfortable but only for a couple of hours.

First we did a hearing test - I sat on a chair in the middle of the room and said "yes" whenever I could hear a sound from the speaker. I normally hate pure tone audiometry - my brain always decides to give me tinnitus as a reward for listening so hard. This was different but still difficult - my brain started making up lots of weird noises but none as bad as my old tinnitus, thankfully. I felt like a right lemon sitting in the middle of a room saying "yes" repeatedly. It was worth it, though, because THIS was my result: 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Compared side-by-side with my old audiogram.....

(Noughts and crosses - right and left ears, unaided. The funny little triangles are my bone conduction response, all pointing down because I didn't respond - because my deafness is sensorineural)

.... this is frankly astounding. Obviously "ideal range" is not the same as "normal range", but Ruth says that the CI team hope that their recipients would all ultimately be hearing between 20-30dB, and I've already got to 30dB on some frequencies, in 3 weeks. ERMAHGERD. Also, the profile of the audiogram is a completely different shape - there's no more high frequency drop-off (though apparently I have a dip at the end because I am just not used to hearing such high noises.) I also have a dip in the middle where my brain is ignoring low frequencies, as we've discussed before.

Good stuff eh?? Ruth adjusted my map (the tenth one since switch on!) to reflect what I was picking up. Yet more oomph in the low frequencies, and a general volume increase. She also ran the usual checks to make sure it wasn't too loud - thank goodness she did because the first low frequency beep made me leap out of my chair. It was probably too loud because I hadn't had that much time on programme 4 before changing. That was readjusted and then off we went. As usual I have 4 programmes to move up through before my next remapping in a month. I have longer to get used to these because we're getting closer to my "stable map", or end point.

The next day, I went back down to JCUH for my second rehab appointment with Sandra. She too was v. pleased with my progress - I got all of the Ling-6 sounds this time! We did some more listening exercises, though they were a bit more challenging this time because she got me to fill in the gaps - I didn't know what was going to be said in advance. So we would start with a clue e.g. "Something is the first something" and I would listen and hear "Monday is the first working day of the week." We did several exercises like this, and then talked about how to cope when I go back to work. Apparently some people's colleagues expect their hearing to be completely fine once they have had an implant, and are surprised when they still struggle in noisy environments or still need to lipread. One patient was asked, "Why did you bother having it done if it hasn't fixed everything?" I think my colleagues are smart enough not to say anything like this to me or they risk a broken nose!

I retooned to Newcastle and excitedly told David about the new exercises. Being a cheeky git, he immediately turned this into an excuse to insult me - on our walk with Rhubarb, he walked behind me and said rude things like "You're a fat smelly monster" and "You're a fat fatty" and I had to guess what he had said, while laughing hysterically. Fortunately he was within smacking distance every time. Everyone enjoys playing these games with me; my friend Janet particularly loves it. On our walk the other day she decided to test me with animals. I turned around and waited for something simple like "pig" or "duck". She hit me with "hippopotamus", "giraffe", and, for the grand finale, "marzet", which turns out not to be an word at all. (I think she was going for "marmotte".) I managed pretty well though even with her weegie accent. Whoohoo!

David and I are about halfway through Harry Potter - I can now follow most of a paragraph with my eyes shut, and if I get lost I don't stay lost, I can quite quickly pick up where we are. 

I have been out for meals a few times and managed really well in noisy places. Last night we were at Cal's Own (for more gluten-free pizza). It was incredibly loud but I was able to follow a conversation quite easily, with a few different people. I remembered my friend Jeanette saying how much easier it was to hear in noise, how the implant seems to "lift" speech out of the hubbub. I experimented with taking the implant off and listening with just my hearing aid - speech instantly receded into a meaningless mash of noise. It came back as soon as the implant reconnected to my magnet; I felt an amazing rush of gratitude for this incredible bit of technology. I've only had it on my head for 3 weeks and I love it! (As a token of my appreciation, I will try not to drop it into any more ice buckets.) 

I want to go and have a drink outside now in the garden (yes, it is sunny on a Friday evening...) so ta-ra! 

P.S. This rhubarb polenta cake is very tasty. Make it.

P.P.S. Some people have complained there are not enough corgis on this blog, so here is Rhubarb, looking disapproving. With a peony flower. 

First rehab appointment

The day after my remapping, we headed down to JCUH again - on the day of the final years' MOSLER as it happens, which explains the perfect weather. We were there to meet my keyworker for some rehab (no, not the alcohol kind, though I probably need that too). Sandra's job is to help me make sense of the sounds that I'm hearing, and use them to maximum effect. She started me off with listening to some Ling sounds, which represent various different speech sounds from low to high pitch (frequency). They help to test my hearing and check I have access to the full range of speech sounds (these are necessary for learning language as a kid - when I was little I didn't really hear the higher ones, like "sss", "sshh" and "t", so I didn't learn to make them for myself - hence all the speech therapy.)

So, I listened to these 6 sounds with no lipreading, and I got 4 out of 6!!! I missed out "sshh" and "mm". Not sure why I would miss "shh" as it's high frequency and I could hear it, I guess I just wasn't sure what exactly the noise was as it was only the second one she tried. "mm" was lower frequency and I'm still not picking up those that much, as explained in the last post. Jeanette says she didn't get it either which makes me feel better! 

Then we tried some sentences. First I lipread Sandra saying the sentences (stuff like "I think he's sick" and "I think he's crazy") and then listened with my eyes closed and then had to say which one I thought she had said. Then she would say another 2 sentences, I would try those, then we did all 4 mixed up. I got most of them right! . The difficult one was "My socks are green" vs "My socks are yellow." Green and yellow look so different written down but apparently lots of people mix them up. How bizarre.

David found all this completely amazing to watch and admitted afterwards that he was welling up at one point! Awww.

We discussed various rehab tactics to help me towards hearing without lipreading. Sandra thought Harry Potter was a good plan, as long as David helped me with it to start with as there is quite a lot on each page! She suggested trying some kids' books first. We were still determined to try Harry Potter first - more on this later...

Next I went in to see the surgeon - not the same one who did my operation, but another member of the team. Scar is fine, I am cleared to swim and fly. Just no rollercoaster rides ever again (thank God for a legitimate excuse). I was permitted to take a photo of my X ray showing the CI electrodes! Here it is for any geeky medics and radiology boffins: 

Later on that night we decided to give Haz Pot a go. So we started..... and "Chapter One - The Boy Who Lived" appeared in my head. David helped me at first by pointing to where we were, but quite quickly I was managing by myself, though I did get lost a few times. I found that I could pick up certain sounds like MiSSSTTer DDursley and "DDumBBleDDore". "PProFFeSSSSor MCCCGonaGGall" as well. HaGGrid was easy too. I can hear so much more of the Ss and Ts and all those! I can also tell when Stephen Fry is being posh and lengthening his "a"s. AMAZING. We left it at the end of Chapter One as I didn't want to overdo it on the first day. 

Today I have been for brunch with my lovely GP group - I was quite nervous about my first large group situation since switch-on, so I put my hearing aid on too otherwise I would have heard nothing. Managed to follow most of what was being said but obviously in a big group it can be hard to follow what everyone is saying. The implant isn't going to fix this but it should make it a bit easier in the long run.

In other news - have done 5 loads of laundry, got the Hotbin up to 55 degrees (garden geekout), eaten some home-grown radishes. Enjoying this housewife malarkey.  Off to pub now! xx

The first week - and retuning!

I have returned from a lovely week away experiencing lots of new sounds! My friend Bethan went on holiday after her switch-on to better relax and get used to hearing new things, and we thought that would be a good excuse to go on a little road trip around the North West visiting friends and family and drinking a lot of beer/wine/cider. It was actually brilliant to get away and relax; it stopped me from sitting in the house thinking about what I could and couldn't hear!

I tried to keep a note of what new sounds I was hearing but I gave up after a while, there were too many! Here is a brief diary.

Day 1 - already described in last post. You may recall that I signed off to go and watch Daredevil - this was quite good to watch because I could read the subtitles and work out what noises fit into speech. Even though it was all very beepy.

Day 2 - Wednesday

I woke up (never mind what time) and got up to go to the bathroom with my implant on. Switched the bathroom light on to start brushing my teeth, noticed a funny chinky noise which was really pretty (weird I know). Turned around and realised it was the metallic clink of the bathroom light pendant banging off the radiator!!!! I have heard this before with my hearing aids, but never realised how high pitched it was before. And with my hearing aids I would certainly never have noticed it with my back to it. I think because my brain is not at all used to hearing high noises it sits up and pays attention when any come its way. Apparently this will settle down with time as I get more used to it. Loving the novelty at the moment though!

Had breakfast; I could hear David scraping butter on his toast and chewing his toast. I could hear my tongue on the roof of my mouth. If David pointed it out I could hear Rhubarb's claws clacking on the hard floor. If everything was very quiet I could hear the kitchen clock ticking!!!!!!!! 

We spent a happy morning gardening and playing with our ridiculous new compost bin (yes, I know, middle age beckons). I could tell when David was saying my name from behind me, and would turn around to see what he wanted. I'm sure that novelty will wear off soon enough...

We headed over to the Lakes that afternoon - the car was quite noisy so I felt like I wanted to turn up to programme 3 to bring the high sounds up a bit. I still haven't got over the car indicators ticking! 

We walked Rhubarb in the park, where I noticed I could hear all the birds chirping! Including this robin ....

Went to a restaurant - I could hear the women on the table next to us laughing and the occasional cough (I had no idea coughs were high pitched). Amber and Richard turned up for some more drinks, and I found I could understand more of Amber's voice than David or Richard's - obviously it was higher-pitched so I was getting more input. Yay for lovely sisters-in-law!

Day 3 - Thursday

squinty faces

We got up and went down to breakfast. I experienced a repeat of all the noises of yesterday's breakfast - including the woman 2 tables away scraping butter on her toast!

We hiked up Cat Bells which was stunning, if very windy!

 Again the wind noise seemed to mask other sounds, but I could still hear footsteps and stones scraping. I could also hear bikes whooshing past when we were back on the road. Not cars though - perhaps they're too low-pitched. 

view from top of Cat Bells over Derwent Water

Day 4 - Friday

evidence that I camped

I could hear David shaking out a plastic bag from 2 rooms away, and heard him bashing his shoes together outside. Rhubarb's clicky claws started to become more obvious. I could tell when the hoover was switched on, and when it stopped, but not the sound in between. I'm guessing that's because it's low pitched. Water running from the sink is still one long high noise/beep. 

We set off for our campsite in Ambleside; I could hear yet more birds tweeting all around us. I couldn't really hear the wind outside the tent but David assures me it was extremely loud... Friday night we treated ourselves to a meal at the Drunken Duck, which was lovely. Unfortunately my implant batteries ran out and I didn't have any spares on me, so I had to switch back to my hearing aid for the evening. Was surprised how much I missed all the new noises!

Day 5 - Saturday

We walked back to the Drunken Duck to get the car - yet more birds tweeting. I couldn't make out individual calls but could tell I was getting a lot of beepy stimulus! I could make out the car keys rattling when we got in the car. 

Headed off to Liverpool to see my brother Tim - he was v. surprised that I could follow him with only the implant switched on - he thought I must have my hearing aid on as well! (I have been keeping my hearing aid in my right ear but switched off - otherwise I would probably lose it.)

Some Liverpudlian sounds: swan hissing in the park, ice clinking in cider, crisps crackling in pub, glasses clinking in restaurant. 

Day 6 - Sunday

I heard a seagull on the beach! and all the sounds mentioned above.

When we got to Manchester I cheated a bit and put my hearing aid back on so I could get the most out of seeing Caroline and Jonathan - which was lovely as always. Caroline and I were so excited by the spontaneous Sunday night fun that we drank far too much wine. I found that the hearing aid and implant worked quite well together which is great, because the ultimate goal is to have them both on, giving me a sort of blend of sounds. For the moment though, my rehab will go faster if I stick to just the implant, giving my brain no choice but to use what it gets through there. This will help it lay down all those neural pathways more quickly. 

Day 7 - Monday

I had a tuning appointment in Co. Durham (one of JCUH's outposts for those living further North). We drove up from Manchester, with me talking to David (my chauffeur) the whole way. I've started to realise that speech is slightly easier to interpret, even though it's not sounding like what I would call speech. Just having that input of the consonants ("ssss", "CH", "TS" - they all sound very hissy!) makes a sentence easier to follow and really aids my lipreading. 

My audiologist Ruth was very pleased with my progress so far, particularly all the new environmental sounds. She was also chuffed that I'd been wearing the implant pretty much exclusively - for reasons mentioned above. I was now on level 4 and had been for the last couple of days - it wasn't uncomfortable. In fact a lot of noises that had seemed really loud at first, like fingers clicking, had diminished in volume. This meant that I was ready for a volume increase - level 5! 

First Ruth sorted out my magnet - I was wearing strength 4 from switch-on, which was actually starting to get uncomfortable if I wore it under my hair. I was having to wear it over my hair to try and cushion it. She changed me down to magnet strength 2, which felt much better. Then she plugged my implant into the computer and played lots of beeps at me. I had to say when I could hear them and how many beeps there were. This then enabled her to make my new "map" or programme, depending on how I responded to each beep or sound. I'm not responding as much to the lower frequencies, because I've had more of them before. So the new map has more input on the lower frequencies. The high frequencies are still very sensitive so they have less input. 

This all seems like audiological wizardry to me but Ruth did a great job of explaining it: it's not a case of just turning everything up willy-nilly - it depends how my brain is responding to each frequency. I don't know what any of the numbers pictured here mean but the general picture is of more "oomph" in the low frequencies. 

I was also given my Cochlear wireless accessories: a waterproof swim kit and a wireless microphone that clips onto people's lapels (for e.g. lectures or noisy restaurants). Like Christmas for deafies! 

As ever with a new map/any change in volume, everything sounded very loud and weird at first. It quickly settled down though and after checking that nothing was too loud (by clapping, and playing me some beeps) Ruth waved us off with my new hearing swag. 

Everything seemed much louder as we walked out to the carpark, but nothing was uncomfortable. When David spoke I felt like I was getting more out of the words - probably the slightly louder lower frequencies. We got home and set about tidying and mowing the lawn - I could hear the lawnmower but it wasn't particularly loud (low frequencies again). I could however hear the fire crackling and popping! 

I have 2 weeks now before I go back for my next mapping. Ruth is planning to do another hearing test then to see what I'm picking up after 3 weeks with an implant... That will be interesting! As before, I have 4 programmes to move through, but they are much louder than the old ones so I have longer to move to each new one. The last one, programme 4, will be the biggest change because both loud and quiet sounds will be amplified the same amount. Currently everything is being amplified to quite a narrow range. I can hear a pen tapping quietly, but a loud clap sounds about the same level as the pen. Because my freshly implanted brain would probably explode if a clap was amplified to as loud as a clap actually is, I'm on quite a narrow range of volume to protect it and give my brain time to adjust to essentially being electrocuted. However, programme 4 will be more 'natural'-sounding in that loud sounds will be amplified to a loud level, and quiet sounds will be amplified to a quiet level. I cannot wait! But baby steps first, walk before can run, etc etc. 

 On the whole I feel very positive about this - I'm not expecting sounds to be "sound" like for a good while yet, and I know I have to relax and let my brain do the work. I know I'm doing all the right things like wearing my implant, leaving the hearing aid off, listening for noises and asking David what they are. I admit sometimes I get slightly impatient, wishing that speech sounded like speech already, but everyone is different and with my pattern of hearing loss (extremely deaf since birth) it's going to take a while.

This afternoon I have an appointment with my rehab therapist, Sandra, and then the surgeon who will hopefully be as pleased with my scar as I am! 

Will keep you all updated. Sorry for mammoth post! 

ERMAHGERD SWERTCH ERN!

Still reeling from last night's Game of Thrones and the horribly early start (after 4 weeks off, 7am starts recede into distant memory), I presented myself at JCUH at 9'o'clock this morning. I was welcomed by a very nice audiologist called Jen, as well as another audiologist who was returning from maternity leave, and a medical student who turned out to have been at my operation. Jen explained what we were going to do; we would run through some tuning checks and then do the proper "switch on". The implant had already been checked at the operation so they knew it worked - this immediately relieved my small panic that it might not work at all! 

my Cochlear Nucleus 6 in all its beigey glory

Jen had a quick peek in my ear and put my new implant processor (Cochlear Nucleus 6) on my head. She tried a couple of different magnet strengths - sometimes they need to use a slightly stronger magnet at first if there is still some residual swelling from the surgery. Once everything was attached appropriately, she started to run through some tests of the electrodes - they were all on green on the computer screen. Then she said she would try me with some beeps, to help set the switch on volumes/input levels. I steeled myself for whatever I was about to hear..... and jumped in shock as this completely bizarre sensation arrived in my head. I can honestly only describe it as like the start of a migraine - very electrical, pulsing and definitely not sound. Not sound at all. Not even close. It was just a palpable sensation of there being something different.

Jen was clearly quite used to having people jumping out of their seats and was very nice and calming. She played it again for me and once I had calmed down I could tell that there were 2 tones going on. That beep was quite an odd low sound, and I found the high sounds a lot easier to distinguish (which is very unusual, normally with hearing aids and having pure tone audiometry I love the low sounds and the high ones give me tinnitus!) 

We moved through all the beeps and I said how many tones I could hear - 2, 3 or 4. By the end I could tell quite easily that there was a difference in the tones. After all that was done it was time for switch on! So I switched off my hearing aid and sat and waited. Jen fiddled with the mouse and then said, "How does that sound?" 

Again it wasn't really sound, it was a series of pulses that arrived in my brain and said we are here. It was an oddly physically thrilling sensation. A bit like that buzz you get after the first gin and tonic. I was rather taken aback by it all - I could tell people were speaking because their lips were moving, obviously, but I really couldn't tell if they were shouting or whispering or anything. Jen asked if I could tell any difference between the beeps when she talked and when David talked, and I found that I could actually, even though I couldn't explain what the difference was. With the higher noises, I felt that they were all coming through and sounding like tinnitus, except it was tinnitus that stopped when people stopped talking. 

At one point I looked down to find something on my phone and could tell that people were talking (NO idea what they were saying but I could still tell it was going on without looking)!

After a bit of chatting with that on, Jen turned it back off to do some more magical audiological fiddling. I switched my hearing aid back on and sat flabbergasted. She then switched the implant back on so I had the effect of both of them together - which was quite nice, just like my normal hearing but with an overlay of tinnitus. She let me keep my hearing aid in for the technical bit where she explained how to charge all the various bits of kit I now have. I was to go home with 4 programmes set on the processor. They are varying degrees of loudness as soon my brain will adapt to the input and I'll start to find it gets quieter - when that happens, I will switch up to programme 2, 3 and then 4. Ideally I should be on programme 4 by the time I come back next Monday for my tuning.

After a bit more chatting and checking that I was happy with the current sound levels, we were waved off. I popped to the loo where I spent a good deal longer than necessary playing with all the sounds in the loo - the door lock, the loo roll, the foot pedal bin - David was waiting outside laughing his head off at all the bangs emerging from within. I was particularly entranced to find that breathing in and out makes a very high whistling noise. I was probably blowing like a hippopotamus.

The car journey home afforded even more delights - I could hear pens tapping on the dashboard, the clicking of the car fan dial, the clink of the pound coins for the Tyne Tunnel (this one is my favourite, they sound so musically clinky!) By the time we got home I had decided that things were too quiet and had switched myself up to level 2, just in time to hear the indicator ticking as David indicated for the turn on to our street!! Aaaaah!! 

We spent another happy 5 minutes in the car playing with all the clicks and indicator noises and pound coins, then took Rhubarb out for a walk to Teasy Does It (our favourite café). On the way there I noticed I could hear my shoes scraping along the ground, and sticks snapping. Even leaves tearing! Left a trail of destruction like a stick insect on the way to the café. In the café I could hear the coffee being ground with the fancy hand grinders, and Lesley steaming the milk for the coffee! The plates and cutlery sounded really loud too. It's - again - really hard to describe, it's not sound per se but it is starting to become recognisable as sound. It's a bit like looking through a sheet of black paper with a few pinholes in it - a few little chinks of sound make their way through, but for the most part I feel like I have my hearing aids switched off and every now and then I get a "ping!" of noise. When people are talking I can only see their mouths moving and a seemingly disconnected tinnitus-like noise playing over the top. 

I'm very glad I didn't watch too many YouTube videos of people being switched on - if I'd expected to hear speech straightaway, I would have been really disappointed. I think for someone who has always been deaf, this is quite a normal reaction, as my brain has NEVER heard coffee being ground before and certainly never picked it out of a loud noisy environment! I can already tell that having the high frequencies is going to make life so much easier; I think all sound is going to be sharper, crisper and brighter. 

We walked to Morrisons to get some celebratory steak for dinner, and on the way there I was quite confused by how much quieter it was outside than when in the car or café. I think this was wind noise masking the higher sounds. When we were home again I started banging around on the saucepans with a wooden spoon and generally clinking all the things. I ran the tap to get some water and could tell when the tap was running, because it was one long sort of beepy high noise. David tried to get my attention just now and I just KNEW he had said "Roz, Roz" even while looking down.

Just typing now I can hear a little beep or high "chink" every time I bash the keys. I can hear my breath whistling in and out of my nose/mouth. My friend Andy from DELTA popped in and I found I could hold a conversation reasonably well, but again it was just lipreading with a sprinkling of beeps. I must admit this is more tiring than I thought it would be - I had gone up to level 3 by about 5pm - getting greedy! but typing this with background noise of people talking and Rhubarb letting off the occasional INTRUDER ALERT!! bark is actually quite tiring and starting to get on my nerves a bit. So I have gone back down to level 2 to see if it's any easier. There you go, not all sunshine and rainbows! 

Off to cook a steak and chips, boom boom. 

fetching new headgear

Love,
Cyborg
xx














P.S. Here is my switch-on video as promised, captioned by wonderful film-maker and husband. Not sure where the captions have gone on the embedded video below - if you need captions, open it in YouTube and select the cc option:

Pre-switch on jitters

It's now less than 24 hours and counting to switch-on! Ahem, I've been told that we're supposed to call it "activation" these days because "switch-on" sounds too much like flicking a switch to - ta daaa! - restore hearing. Whatever. I like "switch-on" and I shall continue to use it. Even though I doubt I will have any sort of tear-jerking, life-affirming, Youtube material "I can hear!!!" reaction; I'm more worried that I'll swear enough to turn the air blue and we won't be able to show the video to my grandma and grandad. 

I haven't really done any sort of psychological preparation for switch-on, unless you count drinking a lot of prosecco this weekend. I tried putting my hearing aid in my implanted ear this morning (I keep having loads of weird dreams about doing this, so I figured if I actually did it then at least the dreams would go away.) I put it in and ironically heard David saying, "Well you know you won't be able to hear anything..." (Obviously I was lipreading him as well, this was not some kind of CI-type miracle.) The sound isn't the same as it used to be, and it's definitely not as loud. but there is some sound! This makes me feel slightly better about switch on, as if it all goes wrong then I at least have some extremely crap hearing left. 

I'm not entirely sure what to expect tomorrow - I know they will have to "tune" each electrode and check it's working, then make up some kind of map for my first week. I know some people have been sent away with two or three maps, so they can increase their input as their brain gets used to the new sounds. Beyond that, though, I have no idea if I will be able to understand speech or even work out what any sounds mean. Will it be beeps? or buzzes? or will everything just be robotic Donald Duck/Wall-E lovechild noises?

I have also excitedly started to create a playlist. I asked on Facebook what song people would recommend to someone who has never really bothered with music before - now have an overwhelming collection of responses, some of which are small essays in their own right! I should try to explain my relationship with music. I am tone-deaf as well as actually deaf, so I can't even carry a tune. (I don't even know what "carry a tune" means, if I'm honest.) So I've never been that interested in music - I did make a desperate attempt to blend in, in my teens, because it seemed all everyone ever talked about was sodding music, so I got a CD of 'Californication' by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I would sit in my room and read the lyrics sheet and try to stay in the right place in the song, but it was almost impossible unless I got to know the song really well. It took more energy to listen to music than to do my homework. After a while I just did my homework and then settled down with a good book instead. 

I think the problem is that I don't have enough high frequencies to help me discriminate between sounds, so all music just blends into a mash of noise; hence it takes an unbelievable amount of concentration to listen to lyrics, given that I rely HEAVILY on lipreading normally. People sometimes suggested that I try songs with little or no lyrics, but they were just boring because I didn't get anything out of the instrumentals. When Youtube came along I could watch music videos, or those videos where the lyrics come up in time, but again I just got bored of listening to the same songs over and over. It was not a particularly relaxing experience either because of the need for concentration - none of this lying back on a bed relaxing blissfully into the "gorgeousness and gorgeosity made flesh" like Alex in 'A Clockwork Orange'. (If Alex had been deaf, that book would have been far more boring.)

The CI team have been careful to point out that most of their implant recipients have not gone on to enjoy a successful career conducting the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra. Apparently the implant still struggles with music, because it's such a complex sound to interpret and even the best processors find it difficult. Some people find that they enjoy the songs they enjoyed before, but can't get used to new stuff. Or they don't like their old songs because they sound different. I'm honestly not too bothered - music has played such a small part in my life to date, and yet I still feel I have a very rich life. So if I can eventually "get" music, or enjoy it much more, then that's a bonus. If I don't, I won't be upset about it as I know there will be countless other benefits that come with the implant.

On that note I am off to find some Harry Potter audiobooks; as part of my rehab process I will be listening to Stephen Fry's dulcet tones every night. Hurrah!

Au revoir!

P.S. This video is a v.g. visual explanation of what a CI does, works even on people who have drunk a bottle of prosecco each, as we found this weekend.

P.P.S. Scar (now 4 weeks post-op) looks awesome. Hair looking a bit daft as it grows back in - any styling suggestions welcome!