Cyborg

I've just got back from the wonderful James Cook University Hospital, where I had my cochlear implant yesterday morning. I thought I would write down exactly what I experienced so anyone else thinking of CIs has a benchmark experience to look at. (Apologies if it is a bit long and waffly, but I would have loved to know all the little details before the op. Also further apologies if it is too medical/not medical enough, I find the balance hard to strike! It was a very weird experience to find myself a patient again, especially now I've had 2.5 years working as a doctor "on the other side".)

We stayed with the wonderful Christine and Mav who were superlative hosts as usual. They and Matt cooked us the most derishus stirfry - I was v. greedy and had 2 helpings, knowing full well it would be my last meal for a little while. Didn't sleep too well as kept thinking about the next day! I also kept waking up and confusedly thinking it had been done and was all over - haha. Finally woke up at 6.30am. Tried to substitute breakfast with a long hot shower. Still hungry, I rocked up to the Female Surgical Admissions Unit at 7.30am (or a tiny bit later; we managed to get a bit lost as JCUH is humungous!) David sat with me until I was called through, then went off to walk the dog and get himself breakfast. I sat around being hungry until some nice nurses came and checked my ID and put wristbands on me, discussed my "allergy" of gluten and put a gluten allergy wristband on as well (which I found a bit ridiculous but better safe than sorry - as Christine said, I could have come round from my anaesthetic and started demanding gluten-y bacon butties!) I was then suited and booted in a suitably hideous hospital gown and TED stockings (to prevent any DVTs).

pre-op nerves!

The ENT registrar popped along to check I was there, and drew a "this way up" arrow on the left side of my neck, pointing at my left ear. The anaesthetist came along as well to do an anaesthetics clerking - as I've had a general anaesthetic before for my lymph node biopsy she didn't seem too worried about anything. Then my surgeon turned up to say hello and see if I had any questions - it was really good to see him as I was starting to get a bit nervous by this point! He was very nice and reassuring and I felt much better. 

I walked round to theatres - by this time it was nearly 9am - with one of the nurses and hopped on my trolley, lay back and commiserated with the anaesthetist about how rubbish my veins were post-chemo. She got access easy-peasy though and then - after one final identity check - a mask was popped on my face and they said, "You will start to feel light-headed now..." which I immediately did. I don't really remember much beyond that apart from a odd feeling of floating away....

I woke up in recovery at about 11am and honestly my first thought was, "oh shit what have I done?!" followed by "DOES MY FACE WORK??" I was rather paranoid about a facial nerve palsy despite this now being a very rare complication. Fortunately my face did work on both sides and I felt quite awake. I couldn't stop shaking which was v. annoying - this wore off after about 10 minutes. I was offered IV morphine but the pain really wasn't that bad, so I declined (for which I am now kicking myself, I could have been high as a kite!) I was rolled back to the ward where I had to lever myself off the trolley and onto the bed. As soon as I sat up I got this alarming blare of tinnitus in my left (newly implanted) ear, and felt very dizzy - fortunately the dizziness wore off quickly and I think it was just being woozy from the anaesthetic rather than any inner ear pathology. 

I also appeared to have been attacked by cannulas while asleep....

I immediately asked to have my phone plugged in and was on Whatsapp and Facebook straight away - thank God for the modern world! I spent a while poking my face and the ginormous bandage. (This was a pressure bandage which would be on for the next 24 hours, to reduce any swelling.)

My surgeon appeared later on at about 12 and said it had gone fantastically well, he was really pleased with how easily the electrodes had gone in. He then looked sheepish and said that his registrar had been over-enthusiastic with the head-shaving and I might be in for a shock when the bandage came off, so he felt he had to warn me! However having been entirely bald before I wasn't too bothered....I immediately went on Pinterest to pin Natalie Dorner style undercuts. Then I lay in bed dozing a bit and playing about with the bed controls. I had some codeine and Oramorph and then Christine appeared in her scrubs and got the nurses to make me some tea and gluten free toast - nomz nomz. I had a really sore left TMJ (jaw) at this point - not sure if it was the airway management or the surgeon leaning on my jaw? I shall have to ask him next week.

I had a little nap for an hour then the rest of the day passed in several cups of tea from the lovely nurses, and reading "The Angel's Game" by Carlos Ruiz Zafon - v.g. 

flower! and also head bandage

Christine popped back at 5 to see me again and we had a good natter. She left when my gluten free shepherd's pie arrived - I managed to eat it without too much jaw pain, then read some more until David arrived. Christine and Mav returned with the most amazing curry which was far better than the hospital offerings. We all ate together and talked some more until they got kicked out at 9pm. My drip of teicoplanin and meropenem was started (second of three - is best evidence for antibiotic prophylaxis apparently.)


I brushed my teeth and tried to get my head down for some sleep but was starting to develop an alarming C6-8 parasthesia (pins and needles) in my arms - I worked out that it was the bandage pressing on my neck nerves and asked the nurse to loosen it which helped a bit. Had some codeine and got off to sleep OK, despite the ginormous bandage and cannula in my right arm! (I normally drop off to sleep on my left side but I doubt I'll be doing that for a little while!)

Was awoken at about 4.30am by nurse checking my obs - aiieeeee! - and couldn't get back to sleep after that, so I had some codeine and a cup of tea and some toast, followed by ibuprofen and paracetamol. And the third drip of antibiotics!

mathematical!

I sat about reading Adventure Time (thanks Matt!) all morning and drinking constant cups of tea, then went down to X ray for my skull X ray to check the implant was in the right place. This was then reviewed by my surgeon; he came to show me my new wiggly little wires in my head! SO COOL! The bandage was taken off and I asked for a mirror - at this point the surgeon looked like he might want to run away. However I was pleasantly surprised at how rad it looked - will be channelling a fierce look for the next few weeks! 

After that it was a matter of getting dressed, getting my stuff together and saying goodbye to the lovely nurses. I toddled out to where David was waiting and off we went home. 

A summary of my side effects:
1. A slightly numb left ear 
2. A feeling of fullness in my left ear - like a middle ear infection. Bit of pain and throbbing but nothing horrendous.
3. A fuzzy shaved bit of head oh yeaaaaah! Feels like a stubbly peach :D
4. Very short-lived tinnitus which only lasted a few hours post-op
5. A sore left TMJ - hurts to chew so I am taking small mouthfuls for a change
6. A fleeting feeling of nausea post-op in recovery
7. A persistent tachycardia of about 110 - probably a combination of pain, stress (from people telling me I was persistently tachycardic) and dehydration. Seems to have settled now. 
8. Bit of a sore neck and a tight feeling across my left scalp
9. Oh yes and I can wiggle my right ear but not my left any more! as this was one of my party tricks I hope it comes back....

No facial nerve palsies, no metallic taste, no numb lips or tongue, no taste disturbance, no dizziness or balance issues. Phew!

I go back next Thursday to have a post-op check - I can wash my hair on Wednesday WAHOO!
Going to go be lazy and watch Game of Thrones now. Laters!!