I haven't really done any sort of psychological preparation for switch-on, unless you count drinking a lot of prosecco this weekend. I tried putting my hearing aid in my implanted ear this morning (I keep having loads of weird dreams about doing this, so I figured if I actually did it then at least the dreams would go away.) I put it in and ironically heard David saying, "Well you know you won't be able to hear anything..." (Obviously I was lipreading him as well, this was not some kind of CI-type miracle.) The sound isn't the same as it used to be, and it's definitely not as loud. but there is some sound! This makes me feel slightly better about switch on, as if it all goes wrong then I at least have some extremely crap hearing left.
I'm not entirely sure what to expect tomorrow - I know they will have to "tune" each electrode and check it's working, then make up some kind of map for my first week. I know some people have been sent away with two or three maps, so they can increase their input as their brain gets used to the new sounds. Beyond that, though, I have no idea if I will be able to understand speech or even work out what any sounds mean. Will it be beeps? or buzzes? or will everything just be robotic Donald Duck/Wall-E lovechild noises?
I have also excitedly started to create a playlist. I asked on Facebook what song people would recommend to someone who has never really bothered with music before - now have an overwhelming collection of responses, some of which are small essays in their own right! I should try to explain my relationship with music. I am tone-deaf as well as actually deaf, so I can't even carry a tune. (I don't even know what "carry a tune" means, if I'm honest.) So I've never been that interested in music - I did make a desperate attempt to blend in, in my teens, because it seemed all everyone ever talked about was sodding music, so I got a CD of 'Californication' by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I would sit in my room and read the lyrics sheet and try to stay in the right place in the song, but it was almost impossible unless I got to know the song really well. It took more energy to listen to music than to do my homework. After a while I just did my homework and then settled down with a good book instead.
I think the problem is that I don't have enough high frequencies to help me discriminate between sounds, so all music just blends into a mash of noise; hence it takes an unbelievable amount of concentration to listen to lyrics, given that I rely HEAVILY on lipreading normally. People sometimes suggested that I try songs with little or no lyrics, but they were just boring because I didn't get anything out of the instrumentals. When Youtube came along I could watch music videos, or those videos where the lyrics come up in time, but again I just got bored of listening to the same songs over and over. It was not a particularly relaxing experience either because of the need for concentration - none of this lying back on a bed relaxing blissfully into the "gorgeousness and gorgeosity made flesh" like Alex in 'A Clockwork Orange'. (If Alex had been deaf, that book would have been far more boring.)
The CI team have been careful to point out that most of their implant recipients have not gone on to enjoy a successful career conducting the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra. Apparently the implant still struggles with music, because it's such a complex sound to interpret and even the best processors find it difficult. Some people find that they enjoy the songs they enjoyed before, but can't get used to new stuff. Or they don't like their old songs because they sound different. I'm honestly not too bothered - music has played such a small part in my life to date, and yet I still feel I have a very rich life. So if I can eventually "get" music, or enjoy it much more, then that's a bonus. If I don't, I won't be upset about it as I know there will be countless other benefits that come with the implant.
On that note I am off to find some Harry Potter audiobooks; as part of my rehab process I will be listening to Stephen Fry's dulcet tones every night. Hurrah!
Au revoir!
P.S. This video is a v.g. visual explanation of what a CI does, works even on people who have drunk a bottle of prosecco each, as we found this weekend.
P.P.S. Scar (now 4 weeks post-op) looks awesome. Hair looking a bit daft as it grows back in - any styling suggestions welcome!
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